


With This Arrow (humor)

by BiPagan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-14
Updated: 2009-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 18:20:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiPagan/pseuds/BiPagan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warnings: Humor follows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With This Arrow (humor)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [](http://lovelokest.livejournal.com/profile)[**lovelokest**](http://lovelokest.livejournal.com/)   for the beta and to [](http://fairestcat.livejournal.com/profile)[**fairestcat**](http://fairestcat.livejournal.com/)   for the small encouragement.

Once upon a time there was a young God named Cupid who was more fair of face and ripped of bod than any of the other Gods before him. His mother, Venus, gave him the job of bringing together happy couples, triads, and other polyamorous groupings. Many years of success passed and Cupid grew quite proud.

"Look at the seeds of love, lust, or 'hey you'll do for tonight' that I have sewn among the humans," he bragged, "There are no hearts immune to my arrows of love."

 

"My dearest son," said his mother, "I hope you speak truth for I have a most difficult dilemma. There is a mortal who seems immune to my many powers. I do hope your mighty prick will pierce his heart."

 

And so Cupid flew down to Earth in search of the one named Meredith. Unfortunately, he couldn't find the man so he flew back on high.

 

"Oh, sorry about that," his mother apologized,"He goes by his middle name. Look for Rodney McKay."

 

And so back down to Earth he flew, this time a bit slower and with less enthusiasm.

 

"Oh Canada!" exclaimed Cupid as he discovered his quarry, "This should be easy. It is very cold here and there is only one good way to warm up."

 

Alas, it was not that easy for our young God. So many arrows pierced Rodney's buttock through the years that it should have resembled a pin cushion. Science and more science seemed the only subject to draw Mer -- er… umm, Rodney's attention. Having followed the man over many lands with incredible vexation, Cupid finally drew his arrow of riotous debauchery. The lone result being Rodney's fancy for a woman with short blonde hair that resulted in still no nookie.

 

Near to pulling out his slightly mussed dark hair, Cupid flew back homeward to strategize with Venus.

 

"Mother, I don't know what to do with this one. He is the most irritable man on the planet. Even my strongest arrows will not sway anyone to love him. What can I do?"

 

"Tetchy though he may be, you have to solve this crisis. We cannot have someone that ill-liked roaming the planet. Besides, I have a bet with Mercury that you can do this task. As I think on it, once I had to physically intervene. Go to Earth and befriend this one. You'll need an alias and do us a favor, try not to look so overwhelmingly handsome. We do not want to blind any mortal eyes."

 

And so down our Cupid flew, taking on the persona of an Air Force pilot named John. All seemed well and good until he walked through a wall of water and came out on another planet.

 

"Great," sighed our sexy God,"Now I have even less people to match him with. Well, Mother said to physically intervene so here goes nothing."

 

While hitting Rodney upside the head did relieve Cupid of his frustrations, it did nothing for Rodney's disposition. Cupid, in his John disguise, spent a good amount of time with Rodney. They watched shows, played games, and had many adventures off planet. While the Rodney project seemed stalled, Cupid was able to spread love and lust throughout this new galaxy. Rodney started calling him Kirk, which Cupid didn't understand at all. When asked, Rodney just laughed mightily and returned to working on his computer.

 

Oddly enough, Rodney couldn't seem to stop being shot in the behind.

 

"Oh sure," complained Cupid, "This arrow he feels."

 

Which gave him an idea that maybe he was using the wrong weapon. At his first opportunity, he shot Rodney in the buttock with his new gun. Nope, that didn't work either.

 

After apologizing profusely, Cupid went back to Venus in disgust. "Mother Love, He's impolite, sloppy, snarky, and rude. No mortal can love him."

 

A scheming glow of inspiration surrounded Venus as she hugged her son.

 

"Oh Cupid, I challenge you. You must make sure this Rodney loves and is loved in return. Until you achieve it, your wings are mine." And she plucked them straight off his back.

 

"Mom," Cupid whined, "Mortals can't even see them."

 

"But you will know they are gone. Now get moving, you have a job to do," she said as she admired her new wings in a mirror.

 

Falling back from the heavens, Cupid landed on his bed in irritation. "Not even the great Johnny Cash has an answer to this predicament," he thought as he gazed at the poster on the wall. "Honesty has to be the answer. It's the only trick I haven't tried."

 

Cupid activated his communicator, "Dr. McKay this is Sheppard, where are you?"

 

"On my way to bed Colonel, is there a problem?"

 

"I'll meet you there. Sheppard out."

 

An hour later, it was Rodney who was irritated.

 

"You are NOT Cupid. You are Colonel John Sheppard and you need to see a doctor about your mental instability."

 

"Damn it Rodney, I am Cupid and you are the most insolent mortal I've ever come across. No one will love you. It's like a curse, only worse because at least a curse I could lift and then you'd be sexing the whole botany department. You've spent enough time around me that some of my magic should have, at minimum, rubbed off on you. I thought I had a chance at leaving when you kissed Dr. Beckett but that was just dumb luck. That wasn't your first kiss, was it? I swore I'd be there for that."

 

"You jackass. I… You?... Argh!" In aggravation Rodney kissed him, hard. "That's why I haven't been with anyone on Atlantis. Haven't you looked in a mirror? John, you are the most attractive person here. You've kissed Teyla, Weir and practically everyone we bump into. I thought you would get to me eventually."

 

"That wasn't a bad kiss," he touched his own lips thoughtfully, "maybe this is what she meant by physically intervene."


End file.
